Forgive & Forget? – Sit in the tension

OK…no food analogies in this entry – I’ll use analogies of helicopters instead! In my last post I mentioned the idea of doing the journey of forgiveness better by allowing myself to “sit in the tension for as long as it takes, feel the anger, understand the pain, contemplate how you have been affected and dig deep“. 

Oh my gosh…I have literally spent years drowning in myself, feeling every moment and understanding the gravity in attempt to forge a path of forgiveness and some of it actually wasn’t very helpful. If you have met a person who sucks the life out of you while they walk a path of healing, they are probably over doing it….that was me, I was a big industrial vacuum cleaner! I was going too deep too fast. My best moments were when I took my time and didn’t allow anyone or anything to rush the process. After all, I still had to do life and participate.

The idea of forgiveness gets screwed up when we just poke at it, kick the tires and observe from a distance – or the complete opposite and charge at it like a raging bull who is totally pissed off. Having to forgive someone can be seen as an ‘inconvenience’ when so many promote perfection as normal and the daily challenges as some sort of disastrous diversion. The ‘disastrous diversion’ is the bit called life. For me the ‘diversion’ was actually what helped me become a more balanced person (although I would happily sign up for a trouble free life and be shallow!).

Sitting in the tension and doing the process is where the lessons lay. There isn’t much to learn at the beginning where the injustice happened or at the end when things are finally resolved. It is smack bang in the middle where all the tension is and that is where the ‘ah ha’ moment lives. It is where I learned the skill of appreciating the other side, sharpened my intuition to understand complexities in people and honed the knack of owning my own junk (which I can be pretty crap at doing sometimes….just ask my wife).

Some paths of forgiveness deserve the deepest of respect, when the injustice was birthed in the darkest of evil. That is when it can be a treacherous journey and you need the right people around you to give courage to explore the tension and help read the map and compass. You can’t afford to speed up the process – there is a natural pace and you will find it if you listen.

As for the helicopter analogy….hmmmm….maybe next time!

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