Password Hell

Password 22OK…I am sure we can all relate to password hell. Lately, I am forever getting locked out of sites because I can’t remember what crazy password I decided on the day I registered. I am left puzzled after every possible combination is explored, but then I remember how I foamed at the mouth and ground my teeth trying to get a usable password in the first place.

Most times when joining a site and pondering a password, I have my wits about me. Jovial and expectant I offer something simple but discover someone else has used it, so I try again by adding a number that makes sense to me – at this point I am still relatively calm humming La Mer and eating my baguette. But of course Mildred from Ohio has already used that one so I reluctantly add one more letter convincing myself I’ll remember, only to be refused again. Now my fingers are sore from hitting the keys a little harder than usual and my throat is a little hoarse from… let’s say expressing my displeasure. By the time I am finished my password looks like a foot long barcode that has nothing to do with anything but I have finally got in. Frazzled and bloodshot I am convinced it doesn’t matter because I’ll never come back to the frick’n site anyway – BUT IT DOES MATTER BECAUSE INEVITABLY I WILL BE BACK!!!

What is worse is remembering what password I set up for my wife because she asked me to ‘help’ but when she needs me to recall it we have the fertile ground for one of our ‘little disagreements’. I really hate the password requirements that say, ‘must be 8 characters long, no caps, must include 2 numbers, type with left hand only’ – listen here Mr password man, stop making my life so hard or I’ll delete you!

I have a Mac and the sign in window is very gruff when you get it wrong. It shakes condescendingly and carries on like I must be an intruder who likes PCs – why does my computer have the power to leave me feeling guilty? It’s a bloody computer and I control its access to life by deciding when to plug it in for a recharge – it should be more respectful.

Now our online world is guarded by pets names with an obsolete number on the end for grins as though it makes all the difference to security. Mr Nigerian scam man who hacks for a living can see through your trickiness so our only option is a ridiculous password that will never be remembered AND… we inevitably have to recall our cryptic cleverness in emergencies when members of the opposite sex want to buy something IMMEDIATELY! I am possibly talking about my wife but probably not if she is reading this!

So what to do? I could give up and stay offline but then I couldn’t retrieve my Nandos Chicken frequent points that are carefully collated each time I log in. Sigh… looks like this blog was futile.

4 thoughts on “Password Hell

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